Sunday, August 1, 2010

1 August 2010

A Perfect Cure...

How many of us have felt the sting and pain of our own sins dragging us down, creating such sorrow and turmoil in our lives that we feel that there is no amount or degree of repentance that will take away the stains we have painted on our souls? I was listening to a song this morning as I was getting ready for church from a cd called "Women at the Well" the song in particular was about the woman with the issue of her soul she knew that if she could just get close enough to the Savior, that her if fingers could just graze the tattered fragments at the bottom of His robe that the healing and more importantly the purity that she longed for would be restored and that got me to thinking...

Although I have never experienced any "issues" compared to that of this faithful sister, I can say that I have been at a place in my life more than a few times where I had come to a realization of the multitude of transgressions that plagued my life and the sorrow and torment that I felt was paralyzing and at that moment I would have crossed the universe to be cured. It made me long to be in that time when Jesus walked the earth so that I could get close enough to feel His virtue fill my being, ease my sorrow and replace my hope for a life I had forgotten existed.

I found myself thinking surely we can still seek and gain that same healing that the faithful sister in the scriptures fought for so long ago. But where? Well that thought plagued me and as I was in Sacrament I started praying and asking Heavenly Father to show me what I needed to do where I needed to go, to be made whole again. As I listened to the Sacrament prayers, a gentle warmth crept over me and in my mind I heard "You're already here."

Isn't it funny how we can be in the right place, doing the right things but until we lift our heads up and really look around we can miss so many vital lessons? I was green with envy of the woman who was blessed to touch the Masters clothes and had her virtue returned so rapidly that I was ready to build a time machine so that I could go back in time and do the same thing And here I am in the chapel, sitting a few feet from the table where the sacrament is blessed and it hit me I am "here", I have no need of scientific machinery, when I come to church, I am just as she in the scriptures "Close enough to touch" all I have to do is reach out and wholly desire the redemption that Christ's atoning sacrifice freely offers to any who desire it. A perfect cure, a necessary ingredient to make a beautiful life.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

11 Mar 2010- Did you miss me?

Fast forward two months since my last post and here I am tired and stressed but still excited about this wonderful opportunity I've been given to go back to school! I have been so consumed with studying, homework, math and Spanish tutoring and most importantly being a mom, that I'm pretty sure most of my friends are ready to file a missing persons report.

So much has happened in the last couple of months I don't even know where to start.

Being so overwhelmed with school, church callings and life in general, I learned a very valuable lesson this past month and that was, nothing is more important than my children. A couple of weeks ago I was waiting to pick up Josie and her friend from school and I was multi-tasking in the car (making phone calls, mentally planning dinner and building the grocery list, thinking about how much homework I had, etc. etc etc) as I was on the phone with Jess (my bestie) I greeted both girls as they opened the doors and started piling into the car, I went back to my my conversation with Jess and when I heard both doors shut I let off the brake and rolled forward when I heard screaming. What I thought was the back passenger door shutting was Josie's backpack, purse and gym bag hitting the door behind me, and when I rolled forward Josie wasn't in the car, so I sorta ran over her foot. Poor baby Josie was screaming and I immediately rationalized that I couldn't have gone all the way over it since I just rolled forward, so I put the car in reverse and thinking I was getting off of her foot was surprised to hear even louder screaming and Josie telling me that I was driving back over her foot, so I stop and she is still screaming, now I am parked on top of her foot. So I finally got it together and ask Josie to quit screaming and tell me which way to go to keep from hurting her more. Finally I get her in the car and when the shock of hat I just did to my precious Josie wore off I burst into tears. Luckily there was no broken bones or ligature tears, just massive deep tissue bruising. Thank you Heavenly Father. Now when I pick Josie up from school I put the car in park and before I move I verbally and visibly check to make sure everyone is safe and securely inside the car. Nothing is more important than the safety and welfare of my babies, without them my life would cease to be beautiful, sorry Josie!

Mother of the year award? Probably not this year.

I have had another traumatic event this month...

My beautiful first born daughter has left the nest and she and her best friend Ashley have moved into their first apartment together, I sleep better at night knowing that Dannielle has the only room mate I will ever approve of (until she gets married) but alas there is that vast empty space that is left behind by her absence. Around 6 o'clock every night I find myself pacing by the back door waiting for her to get home from work and then it hits me like a ton of bricks she doesn't live here anymore. Though she will always come back for one thing or another, and this will always be her home this major step Dannielle has taken in her young adult life and forging her own path has irrevocably changed our lives forever. I also know that even when they grow up and leave home you never quit worrying about them. I find myself doing a nightly inventory, going over and over everything I have ever taught Dannielle about safety, living on your own, budgeting, paying bills, dating; hoping that I have done everything in my power to prepare her. Dannielle, you have become such a beautiful talented young woman and although it kills me to say it, spread your wings and fly baby enjoy your new found freedom, but know that I am always here for you no matter what happens in this big bad beautiful life.

If you don't hear from me for a while, know that I'm here running in circles trying to make ends meet and pray that I'm not picking your children up from school!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

3 January- 11 January 2010

Another year older and wiser too! 36 years old! Wow I remember when 18 seemed so far away.

My bestie Jess, her amazing hubby Andy and their three cuties pies dropped of a delicious "Tuxedo" cake at my house last night complete with singing! What a sweet surprise! Literally. I am always touched by the kindness of the people who surround me.

I came home from church Sunday night on my birthday and Dannielle and Ashley had made me an awesome birthday dinner complete with my favorite German Chocolate cake with coconut pecan icing, which was delish!

Two cakes and counting.

Tuesday night I went to a church meeting and sweet Hollie brought me....yep you guessed it, chocolate cake! 4 days, 3 cakes = 1 happy/ sick me.

But it didn't stop there! Some friends from church threw a birthday party luncheon! More yummy food and of course cake!

How wonderful it is to feel so important, so loved, so special. Beautiful friends = a more beautiful life.