25 Sept 2009- Lesson's Learned

Teen-agers! Really? Seriously? I know I did not act like the teens of today when I was 16. Okay that's a complete and total lie, but UNCLE! If I could change the future by going back into time, I'd go to the day where my mother cursed me by saying, "One day you will have children, and I hope they are just like you!" Right. I must admit at the time I thought it was a compliment, maybe I missed the subtle eye rolling or the sarcasm implied, I must have been pretty narcissistic. Sorry Mom! Or as my lovely 15yr old would say, SOOOREEEEE! (With a huge dramatic emphasis on the EEE.)

Furthermore I would like to tell my mother, that I did not have kids just like me, they are kind and helpful (sometimes they have to be compelled), but even with the great kids I was blessed with, and all of the good deeds I have done to make up for my adolescent reign of terror, my mojo was no match for mom's kung-fu, for Mom's have a powerful magic and her curse could not be thwarted. I got my "me" in the form of my foreign exchange student.


The first month was a breeze, but as we settle into life here at the Simmon's casa, I can certainly say that now I understand the adage "Guests and fish are a lot alike, after a couple of days?weeks, they stink." Don't get me wrong Pei is a wonderful, smart, funny, lovely girl. But she is still a teen-ager. Let me also say that I am to blame for most of my woes. If I had set down guidelines and rules and priorities from the very beginning, things would have been drastically different.

So I told you I called my lovely friend Elicia and her insanely smart hubby who rode in on their white horse (okay it was a gold mini van, but for dramatic purposes...) and saved the day! And how peace was restored?

But alas, it was short lived peace. Now that everyone had internet on their own computer and could use it until their eyes popped out, we began to see less and less of Pei until I had to go to her room to see if she was still living with us. We would get up and go to school and when we got home at 3:30 she would go straight to her room and we wouldn't see her until 5:30 the next morning, She quit eating dinner with us and would sneak down after we had gone to bed and eat,

she refused to clean up after herself and was barely speaking to us. I asked her repeatedly if she was okay, homesick etc, and she replied no, she was fine. Still, attitude.

I went to a friends over the weekend to watch their three oldest while they went out of town and when I got home Sunday night, I came home to an inch of water standing on the bathroom floor. How lovely. Something had to be done.

I contacted the CR from AYUSA and told her what was going on and what I had done to remedy the situation and she told me that Pei had been calling and complaining about her living conditions. Pei's biggest complaint is that we go to church too much. So I explained to the CR that when I made the decision to host a foreign exchange student and was looking at he applications from the students, my first concern was Religion, we are LDS, so church is the center of our lives and I didn't want to bring anyone who was uncomfortable around religion into a house that is immersed in the work of the Lord. Pei's application was clearly marked that she was okay with church. So when the CR told me what Pei had been telling her, I got a little upset, okay understatement of the year, I got alot upset. After talking to Cheryl (CR from AYUSA) I wrote out a list of family priorities at her insistence.

First on my list? Honesty...if something is bothering you let me know!
Second-No more internet in the bedroom, I had it disconnected from her laptop. It's supplied by the high school and we have a computer she may use if necessary. The point in this was that she was not getting anything out of the trip if she never left her room.
Third-you are responsible for cleaning up after yourself, dishes, bathroom, laundry, you mess it up, you clean it.
Fourth- you will have chores like everyone else in the house.
Fifth- You will follow the same rules and have the same consequences as my children.
Sixth-You will eat the food I prepare, I'm not cooking two separate meals a night, I can't afford to, if the food I make is unacceptable, you are welcome to buy your own.

Tuesday night Cheryl came over and after almost two hours of mediation, some tears and a lesson learned on my part, we have decided to try again and Pei promised me that if she is unhappy here she will let me know.

I forgot in my anger that Peiling is just a 16yr old girl, thousands of miles from home and in a strange land with very different customs. How scary must that be? I just take for granted that all families run similar to mine.

I have learned so much this week and I am grateful to Peiling for teaching me (inadvertantly) that if a family is to be successful you must have alot of love, alot of patience, a fair and defined set of rules and consequences, and alot of communication if we are to have any peaceful beautiful moments in this life.